I started a draft of this post in early March before life changed so much. I felt that, finally, I was in a place of peace with our wedding plans and was ready to write a bit about what we had experienced. Of course, a global pandemic had other plans. I didn’t pick this story back up until a few days ago and, naturally, some of it felt hollow in the wake of what’s happened since. The beginning of what I’m sharing is from what I originally drafted; the second half of this post includes thoughts on the current state of our wedding planning.
I’ll be totally honest; I didn’t approach wedding planning with much finesse. Having been an event planner full time in the past, I knew of the basic ins and outs, but so much still feels foreign when you’re the one to be celebrated. Here are the major takeaways from my first few months of planning a wedding:
- Decide who is being celebrated. While there isn’t a right or wrong answer here, it is important for you to decide this early and hold firm to that decision while making the rest of your plans. So many vendors I met with early on made it abundantly clear to me that the day is either made to celebrate the couple getting married or the guests in attendance. I can’t tell you how many vendors (and friends and family for that matter) said “But what will guests think?” or “How will guests feel?” when I made certain decisions. For me, I want to personally set aside being a people-pleaser on this day. I don’t want to know what people think of my napkin colors or centerpieces or dessert options. I want to celebrate the love and commitment I am making to my partner and have people surrounding us that respect our future marriage.
- Set a firm and realistic budget. Honestly, I thought I did this. Still, I revised my budget three separate times during the planning process to accommodate things I had forgotten or elements I really wanted. Ultimately, no amount of spending will change how I feel on this day. For me, a bigger budget doesn’t necessarily mean a better experience. In haphazardly making an initial checklist, I was forced to increase my spending to get all the items on my actual wish list. Although it was within my actual spending ability, I did not want to spend the amount of money I am on our day. It will be perfect, in any form, and I encourage you to remember the other elements of life that deserve your financial investments.
- Go with your gut. From the dress to menu and everything in between, go with your gut instinct when making decisions and don’t waver. Between blogging and friends/family, I sought and received a lot of opinions that complicated decisions. Trust your intuition about every decision with which you are faced. Some of the smaller details really aren’t worth stressing over and I can’t even say hindsight is 20/20 yet.
When COVID-19 forever changed the world as we know it, wedding planning halted. It took me 4 months to mail our save the dates. I sent them with the below sticker attached knowing full well it might not take place as planned. I sent them anyways because they were cute, and expensive. I have a very unique role as both a bride and a wedding vendor during a pandemic. Nearly all of my 2020 wedding clients have postponed or opted for an abbreviated celebration.
There are a lot of things someone getting married deserves to feel. They deserve to feel excitement, elation, passion, and eagerness. To be honest, I have felt none of those things in the wake of this virus. I planned the major details very quickly in an effort to get to the celebratory parts of the event and all the fun details weddings bring. There have been no showers, bachelorette events, brunches, or parties. There have been several texts and even a few Zoom tears to loving friends who can’t be close during the process. I know I am far from alone in experiencing these challenges to our plans, and I am fully aware there are very serious circumstances preventing us from doing so that has impacted lives across the world. Still, I’m sad. I’m sad for what hasn’t happened and the things I know probably won’t any time soon.
I know in my heart that anything less than the day I planned will feel a little bit like a letdown for my Type-A self, but I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for us to follow through with those plans. We really don’t know what the world will look like in September, but our best guesses don’t look great. While we haven’t made any official decisions yet, here are some of the factors impacting our wedding:
- A large fraction of our wedding guest list includes those traveling from out of state. Heck, my bridal party is split across the country. With many travel restrictions in place and other safety concerns, we do not want to jeopardize being able to celebrate with the people we love most.
- As a result of Spring closures, the Kentucky Derby was postponed to…you guessed it…our wedding day. While we love the Derby and all of its celebrations, we don’t know that it is fair to ask friends and loved ones traveling in to compete with surge pricing to attend our ceremony.
- A handful of vendors have been nonresponsive or difficult to work with during this process. While we fully understand everyone is struggling right now and are far from the only couple in this predicament, it is unlikely that a large number of guests will not be able to attend, and we do not want to pay for those unable to come.
- At this point, events may be able to be held, but I don’t think we could have the reception we hoped if we must wear masks or social distance on the dancefloor. It is hard to picture a wedding without a lot of hugs and happy tears.
So, what have I learned while planning a wedding in a pandemic?
- Whatever way you choose to celebrate and whatever time you do it in will be enough. Love makes that true.
- You don’t owe anyone anything (with the exception of contractual obligations to vendors who are hopefully trying to work with you in unprecedented circumstances).
- Health and safety trump any plans you had. The risk is greater than yourself here.
- You are going to have unshakeable memories from what you’re doing through right now. This is one of those “tell our grandkids” stories.
- To be flexible is to be kind. Literally no one knows what’s happening or when things will change. Being stubborn and uncompromising doesn’t solve problems, it exacerbates them.
- Protect your investments and your earnings. Whether it is forfeiting vendors that didn’t seem necessary (and their deposits) or adjusting the scope of your day, it is so important to protect your own wellbeing and quality of life when no job seems guaranteed right now.
I think I know in heart what’s going to happen in our case, but I know that I love my future husband without hesitation and will marry him whenever the time is right.
Are you a couple planning a 2020 wedding? I would love to hear your experiences! Send me a message at lessonswepaidforbook@gmail.com.
