You heard it here. We’re finally doing the dang thing. In June, we called off our September wedding in response to COVID-19. Read more about the experience leading up to that decision here. Too many people we love would have to make too many difficult decisions to attend a big event. Nothing has felt right since March about planning a large wedding during a pandemic. It was obviously not in the cards for us in 2020. At the time we called off our would-be Derby Day wedding, we thought we would postpone to the same month the following year. We found out not too long after that our original wedding venue would make us pay nearly $5,000 more to do so. Subsequently, they have since made the decision to close their business before the 2021 peak wedding season and offered us a dead winter date that was so far from our original vision. We made the unbelievably painful and privileged decision to walk away from what we invested in our original venue and caterer to preserve at least some parts of the day we planned.
Legitimately, this has not been easy. A logistical nightmare aside, this experience has emotionally wrecked me. I have more to come in writing about the emotional experience of being engaged during a pandemic, so I’ll stay focused on what’s ahead for now. On October 2, 2020, a month from today, I’ll be married to the love of my life. We’re now getting married in a private ceremony with only our immediate family and a small fraction of our bridal party at my original first choice venue – at which we could not afford to do our full scale event. I’ll have more about our venue and all of our incredible vendors to come very soon!
As both an engaged person and a wedding vendor, this has been the trickiest year of my life. When my personal values conflict, I get really stressed. Right now, my values of loyalty and service deeply conflict with my commitment to safety and wellness. If I wasn’t comfortable photographing my clients’ large weddings, there was no way I could have a large one myself. Making decisions both personally and professionally have helped me keep my peace of mind and feel confident in knowing I’m doing the right thing for me even though I know it feels tough in the moment.
I’ll be able to speak more to this after we celebrate, but it was very important to me to preserve tradition and structure in downsizing our wedding. We’re still having most all of our original vendors participate from florist to DJ to coordinators. I want to feel all of the magic of getting ready, having a first look, and walking down the aisle to preserve the tradition the day symbolizes. I can’t wait to tell you more about the vendors that have worked so hard already to give us the day we want despite an endless stream of changes.
The pandemic doesn’t care about weddings. We made the decision to take what power we have and make something good of the cards we’ve been dealt. Since we can’t celebrate with everyone we initially invited to our day, we’re setting up a high quality Zoom stream (thanks, Brian!) so guests can join us for the ceremony. We’ll be asking the limited attendees to test before coming, having socially distanced seating, checking temperatures, and encouraging masks for anyone not around part of their own household. After, we won’t be taking a honeymoon anytime soon, so we’re spending some time investing in making our home cozier and more comfortable with winter coming. The last thing we need is more stuff, so we’ve asked everyone in our lives to forego gifts. If you or anyone we love has interest, we’re collecting cards with marriage advice, quotes to live by, and positive messages to read together the day of our wedding. If you want to drop us a line, email me for the address. The next time I write about our wedding, we’ll be married!
All photos by the talented Emily Lawrence of Mobile, Alabama.
